dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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