I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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