Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
