bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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