i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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