im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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