accomplished twins. life is a go
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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