I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
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They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
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i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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