I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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