why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
