its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
