i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
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if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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