Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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