Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
