Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
