I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
