how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
