so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
