i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
