i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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