I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
