Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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