WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
