every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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