You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
