Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
