We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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