We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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