I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
