yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
