Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
