I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
