I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
