you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
do nipples grow back?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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