Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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