so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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