4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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