bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
