He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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