don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
