I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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