White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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