dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
