dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
