I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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