I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
