I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
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He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
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I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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