A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
