did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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