I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
