She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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