You're so nebulous sometimes
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
