She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
