You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
thus making me awesome and them whores
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
