At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
