there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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