Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
