dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
