Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
operation have a gay friend backfired
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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