I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
well you can't waste a boner
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize