I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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