I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
