every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i believe in u and ur pee
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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