I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
