Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
