she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
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My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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