were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
