He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
