Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
