you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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