Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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